Born in the Eighties

Jon and Adam finish up the holiday podcast extravaganza with the final installment in the Santa Clause trilogy "Santa Clause 3, the Escape Clause".  Which is a title that deserves mentioning as it is the only movie title I can think of where the pun in part of the name is used not as a pun later in the same title.  I sure hope the movie isn't as oddly bad as the title....

Direct download: BITE_XMAS_3.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:34am CST

Born in the Eighties: Christmas is Terrible Part 2

Jon and Adam watch the ABC family original Tom Cavanagh picture from 2004, "Snow". It is... interesting. Jon and Adam now have a new female obession.. Ashley Williams, sorry Amy Ryan. Mmmm... those shorts. Jon and Adam also talk christmas carol lyrics, and the newly formed countries of Hammbodia and Jongolia. Tune in!

Direct download: BITE_XMAS_002.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:18pm CST

Join Adam and Jon while they find out just how terrible Christmas can be... by watching terrible Christmas movies and attempting to understand the holly jolly of it all. This week, Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas, oh yeah... we said to watch "A Golden Christmas" ... about that... yeah....

Direct download: BITE_XMAS_001.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:57pm CST

Jon and Adam decree that chinese food will never be eaten before podcasting.  Dragon female chest parts are discussed, and Adam has quite the eye-opening experience.  Skyrim is a land of murder, cat furries, and horrible actions and David Caruso magic CSI. A new segment "This Week in Werewolf News" debuts.  Adam regales Jon with the tales of Wisconsin werewolf sightings! Scary!  Jon proposes a trip to find the Beast of Bray Road, and Adam continues to be a shut in.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_32.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 11:39pm CST

Jon and Adam fumble through trying to make some title sequences and promos.  The accents and impressions are at an all time high/low depending on your perspective.  Talk then moves to how little people do not mix well with apes, and how Penn Jillette solved his birthday party dilemma. (Hint, it involves knives)   The clown brotherhood is extremely racist, apparently.  Adam and Jon talk about their favorite pagan holiday traditions, and say some odd stuff.  Thanks for listening, and have a kick ass thanksgiving!

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_31.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:19pm CST

Matt Haag joins the gang for this episode of Born in the Eighties, to talk about stuff... Matt is doing the music for a local show!  We listen to it!  Jon spends most of the podcast unwittingly ripping on Matt.  Adam pays for Chinese food with a Kung Fu DVD.  Beers from around the world are consumed, and a good time is had by all.  All Music in the episode by Matt Haag. Buckle up, this is a long one....

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_30.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:47pm CST

Jon and Adam reconvene after the horrific fright fest that was the first annual spookening.  Topics range from how terrible Boo radley is at playing apples to apples, good space pilot names, old hanna barbara cartoons, how top cat might have had something to do 9/11, and how terrible Scrappy Doo was.  Dark Jon appears and makes Scooby Doo into a real horror show.  Silky J grew up on the streets.  Jon tells the tale of how he got kicked off of his 4th grade field trip.  Then, things get serious for a bit.  This is a weird one.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_29.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 8:50pm CST

In this week's born in the eighties, a spooktacular appears!  Jon and Adam discuss their greatest fears, talk shop about the scariest of the famous hollywood monsters.  Jon uncovers a deep secret about Dracula's potato vodka distillin' ways, and Adam stocks up on boxes of Boo-berry.   A spooky bris happens in the apartment, with many Matz0-golems in attendance.   R.A. Salvatore is a dracula, and once was roommates with the pope.  The guys hatch a plan for world domination by going back in time and investing wisely, until Jon betrays Adam!  To wrap things up, Jon and Adam ponder what life would be like with a 35 year old kind of chubby spinster lady ghost, and where they would want to "haunt" if after they died they became ghosts.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_28.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 9:44pm CST

Adam and Jon decide to masticate on some asian cakes made from pinapples and roots. Adam chokes down ice cream soda, while the papaya on Jon's juice can says "How do you do?". The first "This Week in Werewolf News" segment lands! What is the plural of Dracula? Draculii? Draculum?  Draculae? FIND US A MEXICLOWN! Everything is going great... until Dark Jon rears his head and threatens to destroy all that we hold dear.  I apologize profusely for the end of this episode.  I blame the taro cakes!

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_27.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:45am CST

Jon and Adam cover a myriad of subjects, including introducing podcasts, the after credits dojo, wordpress updates, being killed in dark souls, and a little movie called... "Fast Five" A sock is all you need my friends, a sock is all you need.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_26_Fast_Five.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:58pm CST

Jon and Adam talk video games for the holiday season of 2011.  Casey Kasem's spirit inhabits Jon, and the hot new band "Roll Control" sings the hits. Adam ponders how pee filled water balloons are filled, and everyone talks a lot about video games.  At some point Jon robots out, and Adam confesses his bi-halo-curiousity.  And a warning, the dragon will fall on you!  Stay tuned after the ending music for the shortest full podcast ever.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_25.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:10pm CST

With Jon's battle with a cold subsiding, the guys decide to record an episode.  Jon and Adam jaw about building computers, and being the sickest ever.  Talk turns to T.V. where Adam and Jon head back to a classic cartoon for the ages.  Reboot!!!!  Then talk turns to other shows that are being watched in the death apartment, (Mad Men, Buffy, Angel) until the unspeakable happens.  The mysterious benefactor and Adam activate Dark Jon, and the podcast takes a turn.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_24.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:51am CST

Join Lance Adam and Jon as they talk tons about block parties, Reserve Police Officer Shaquille O'Neal, Carl Lewis's amazing acting abilities, what police officers can do in their spare time, and how to live the best life ever. email:

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_23.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:06pm CST

Jon, Adam and Lance finally wrap up this 2 part pod-ganza with some chatter and blather about Kevin Smith's newest flick Red State.  Tune in! SPOILERS!! email:

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_22_Part_2.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:27pm CST

Lance returns to the podcasting theatre to talk Kevin Smith movies.  The crew watches red state and this is part one of that podcast.  Also, drinks make you talk louder and take levels worse, so things get a bit crackly.  Tune in, part 2 coming later this weekend.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_22_Part_1.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:05pm CST

Born in the Eighties 21: With Jay Gabel

Adam and Jon welcome common friend Jay Gabel.  The quizbot gauntlet nearly kills him, but a question about deli meats nearly kills Jon on the spot.  When cake fights pie, pie wins!  Larry Fishburne is a puritan shark in a pilgrim hat murdering young couples.  Many swear words are uttered, and Jon is flabbergasted by his voluminous vocabulary.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_21.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:26am CST

Have you ever made a really bad decision due to alcohol?  We watched The Santa Clause 2, and get way too deep into the details of the world of Santa Clause 2. Also, Clone Santa is one crazy son of a B.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_20.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 6:32pm CST

Our friend and benefactor Mr. Matthew Haag joins Jon and Adam for a chat about things including, but not limited to, computer troubles, podcasting theory, new formats for the show, promise of future guests, the astonishing quizbot 5000, Jon's secret past as a child radio hobbyist, how Tommy Lee Jones is a huge dick, Matt's amazing cats, how the Chimney Sweeps from Mary Poppins are secret ninjas and many more topics.  Remember, Silky J will not choke a bitch, but he will discipline a ho with unpaid vacation days, or a loss stock options.  Matt breaks a chair.  Remember skateboarders, your pain is my happiness.

Direct download: BITE19.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:04pm CST

Born in the Eighties 18: Fast & Furious

Movie PODCAST!!!!!!  Well, if you are looking for movie talk about this week's flick, Fast and Furious, skip ahead to the 45 minutes mark, as Jon and Adam get hyper tangential.  Discussion ranges from childhood halloween costumes, Jon's previous pursuit of the fairer sex, and so much more.  Hold on to your shirts and prepare your tweed and pocket protectors because Shirt-pires are abound in this weeks edition of Born in the Eighties.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_18.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 8:17pm CST

You read it! Zach to the T to the B is in Tokyo Drift for some reason. He is also dating the sluttiest girl ever. Adam discusses his shucking and jiving life lessons.  Jon uncovers deep dark secrets of Santa Claus, (yes, again) and Adam fears that things have gone a bit too far off track. Turns out Tokyo Drift is actually pretty watchable, and Little Bow Wow is still a very little person. Jon suspects that he contracted that webster virus. Maybe he was bit by a feral Gary Coleman.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_17.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:15am CST

Jon doesn't know what is going on, his life flashes before his eyes, and this historic moment is captured in audio form.  Watch a man unravel before your eyes.  Laugh at his icompetence and see a man reduced to the lowest of lows.  Seriously, it is bad, what happened? I can't explain it.  Listen and find out.

Direct download: Bite16.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 8:34pm CST

Born in the Eighties 15: The Witches of Lake Waubonga

Our Fourth of July revelry has laid waste to the recording apartment.  Adam discusses the fineries of "Witchering" and how his new promotion is much more exciting than once thought.  Lake Waubonga will be Adam's camping destination where he will be front captain of the S.S. paddleboat, doing water battle with lake witches.  Jon confuses Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sarah Jessica Parker and remembers the Flight of the Navigator as being a real dick.  Jon and Adam recount famous nightmares, and talk about how scary the grimace is.  Jon talks about his introduction to the dark world of clowning.  2 Words, Poop Steak. 3 Words Boulder Porta-potty Peeper  4 Words, Fake Japanese Pop Idols. 5 Words, Police Taser Middleton Machete Wielding Man.  Watch the documentary "Guys and Dolls", or you might find yourself in a porta potty at a yoga festival in boulder.  Also, Mr. Peeper's Penguins is a pretty messed up movie.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_15.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:40pm CST

Jon, Adam and Lance decide to sit down and watch all of the Fast and the Furious movies.  It turns out that Lance hates generic cuban villians. We reminisce as a dude totally gets destroyed by a semi truck out of nowhere.  The movie turns out to be one big pal-ing around fest where everybody loves eachother.  Paul Walker apparently is the great white hope in the race driving race wars that apparently occur.  In his sickness Lance decides to watch "Spanglish", and he nearly takes a turn for the worse.  The gang also discusses how to make an awesome popcorn action movie.  Listen in!  comments go to  or visit

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_14.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 9:45pm CST

Things start off pretty morbid as Dr. Death dies.  Jon makes the case for changing a classic phrase to include Pogs, and Adam tells the sordid tale of Jack Kevorkian's life.  Lance joins in at the halfway mark and zombies silently protest next to disabled children.  Rabid beavers threaten to devour everyone.  Jon drops some biology knowledge about rabid animals for everyone's safety. Germans indeed know how to get freaky.  A Teen wolf viral marketer is found growling at police.  Lance is badgered by scammers Robert Deniro would be perfect for the clown in an IT remake.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_13.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:27am CST

Apparently all robots are bigots. Adam wants a prehensile tail, while Jon could go for a genetically engineered tentacle in the center of his chest.  Adam decides that in the awesome future, he will have a clone body, and Jon will become a kick ass robot.  Turns out that Robo-jesus is kind of a dick, and Adam will stop at nothing to crush Jon's Un-crushable robot frame.  Gamma Rays flood the podcasting room and Jon and Adam are able to choose their own super-powers.  Turns out that Adam is more racist than a robot.  Drunk men are very bad at robbing banks, they should just pass out in their cars, and Adam an Jon discuss how to properly throw a small child over a pool of lava.  Adam and Jon take a walk around the wild world of accents, and Adam shows his insides to little kids.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_12.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:30am CST

Jon questions the plot of the "The Santa Clause" movie, and how Randy Savage would have made an awesome Santa Claus.  We also discuss how all of Arnold's bastard children begin their transformation at age 10, and how it is very similar to the movie "Teen Wolf".  Hulk Hogan's Heroes get the better of Colonel Klink once again!  It is a felony to photograph whale raping parties. Our two plucky hosts contemplate how the rapture will go down, and how it is fucked up to confess spanking it to some old dude in a robe.  Kirk Cameron makes a deal with the devil, and ponders getting the extended warranty.  Adam also considers how cool it would be to become a demon, though toiling away at Foxconn for a year sounds unpleasant to him.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_11.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 11:21pm CST

Pigs become CEOs, and Tag Team sings about them. Yes, Isreal and Palestine are not friends. Lance and Adam argue about pointless things. Godzilla smuggles drugs into Turkey. The Kessler's diamond guy is a huge douchebag.  Kessler's may or may not have the bloodiest of diamonds.  Rubber is apparently the best movie ever made, and Jon can barely wrap hismind around the subject.  Lance brings news from Canada, and the crew talks about their desert island shows. Lance and Adam talk way too much about Star Trek minuatae, and Jon about whips a shitty on the podcast.

Lance uncovers who really caused the challenger disaster.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_10_Pig_Power.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:44pm CST

Thor comes crashing into the room asking whether or not our drinking problem is truly helping the war effort against the frost giants.  A dude runs in while tripping balls on bath salts and not only steals Adam's innocence, but also runs off with our beloved pet goat named after a children's TV show character.  It isn't Lance's fault that the Mexicans working the kitchen at the pizza place ruined their computer by watching porn, but he still has to do his laundry in that rape dungeon of a basement of his apartment.  We can all agree that Star Wars would have been 100x more depressing with Christopher Walken playing Han Solo.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_009.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 12:46am CST

A teacher dresses up as Mark Twain but forgets to wear the pants, Jon's 5th grade music class induces a Vietnam flashback. Ninjas break into cars, and get chased away by guidos weilding guns.  A modern re-telling of "Top Gun" would be flawed fundamentally, though U.S. Military planes have kick ass names. In Rural America, everyone drinks and drives, while attempting to elude the cops.  We discuss the Mechanics of getting a blowjob whilst walking, and how  awesome sticking your torso out of a sunroof is. Ghost ride an ATV dirty, and become a living god, meet Jack Hardcase, NBC CEO and remember, Patricia is the worst female name. Email:

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_008.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 7:03pm CST

Adam and Jon are again joined by their guest Lance to talk about everything from the Bat Cave's secret playboy grotto to the ability for drunken girls to take the fall at a party busted by the cops.  Lance outruns the local police, and whips a "shitty" in his dodge neon.  Meanwhile, Jon contemplates whether or not someone died in his car before he bought it.  All of the while Adam tries to decide whether the BK kids club or the extreme ghostbusters is more diverse.   All this and more in the 7th episode.  If you listened to these once a day, that would be a full week, and you would be a weird person for doing so.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties__007.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 6:41pm CST

This week Adam and Jon talk to their good friend and old roommate Lance Kilcoyne.  He is a funny person, and he adds his unique point of view to the stuck up and stuffy podcast that Adam and Jon run.  His new free-wheeling ways upset the establishment and he is thrown out for being too "real".  But, banding together with his new pal Rowdy Roddy Piper, Lance gets set to take over the airwaves with his own brand of realism.   Through a hilarious romp-ridden musical montage Lance takes over the studio from the opressors. Jon and Adam end up with pies in their faces, and a Tears for Fears song plays as the kids win!! Yay!  Also, Donkey Lips is still alive, I repeat, Donkey Lips is still alive.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_006.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:57pm CST

Join Jon and Adam, and their special guest Lauren!  Topics range from pizza dough formed from babies, Babar's ghost, 

Alligator Slapping Machines, Glenn Beck leaving Fox News, Hipster Hitler, Drive by hick shootings, and Nazi's infiltrating the US with make-up mirrors.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_005.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 10:10pm CST

This week, our hosts are joined by a Mr. Tony Trout.  He was not born in the eighties, but his heart is in the right place.  France and its malodorousness are discussed, as well as a lot of pondering on languages in general.  Our hosts discuss their favorite on stage roles, and we get our very first listener email.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_04.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 5:20pm CST

Outfitted in the finest new recording equipment that tax return money could buy, our 2 intrepid 80's-nauts decide to peruse the news.  Pudgy men win awards for jumping into kiddie pools, women hide illicit substances in odd places, and french canada refuses to be freaky.  All this in more in Born in the Eighties 3rd outing.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_003.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 11:21pm CST

Born in the Eighties 2: David Tennant Squashing 3 small French Bulldogs

In this episode, Atlantis is discovered, and we find out that Mrs Neptunia is a bit of a Bitch with a capital B.  Mercury causes the death of thousands of puppies, unwittingly.  Cock shotguns are invented and distribution of such weapons is foiled by the police.  We also reply to Miss Anita Sayed.

Direct download: Born_in_the_Eighties_02_David_Tennant_Squashing_3_Small_French_Bulldogs.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 8:30pm CST

Born in the Eighties 1: Lustfully Yours, Miss Anita Sayed

Our intrepid heroes wax philosophical about Jake Lloyd spinning mad yo-yos, the Sherlock Hamm detective agency, and the un-importance of "stinking badges".  90's dog makes his skateboarding appearance, as well as Dave Coulier and Jack Ching, Bada Bing the jackalope.  Stay tuned to the end for our first ever reader email!  

Direct download: Bite_Episode_1_Lustfully_Yours_Miss_Anita_Sayed.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 11:04pm CST

This is the inaugural episode of Born in the Eigthes.  Originally recorded in December of 2010, I finally got off of my lazy ass to put this thing together.  This is "patient zero" if you will, of a show I do with my best friend, every week.  Think of it as if you were a fly on the wall of a room full of 2 people talking about complete bullshit, but since you are a fly, you don't see that spider crawling behind you, and you are devoured.  That is Born in the Eighties in a Nutshell.

Direct download: bite0001.mp3
Category:Humor -- posted at: 5:59pm CST